Daddy says my behaviour and attitude have improved since the other night.  I’m very happy to hear that because I’ve been trying really hard to kick it up a notch in my servitude.  I try to catch myself with my tone of voice and I try to think now before speaking.  It’s not the threat of the ass rape punishment that’s really motivating me though I do keep it in mind….it’s knowing that I was backsliding and not being what he wants and I want.  I love him so much it physically hurts.  Even after all these years, I still get butterflies when I hear his key turn in the lock and I know he’s home.  I want so much to be the best slave I can be for him.  I’m not perfect, hell, I’m as flawed as the next person and thankfully it isn’t perfection he’s after.  He just wants me to remember my place, be respectful and obedient.  I can do that. 

We did some needle and cutting play last night.  This time we also added something new….suture.  I was as excited as Daddy was to be trying it because I’ve wanted him to cut me and sew me up for a really long time.  Now that I have my stitches…I want more.  A never satisfied little bitch - that’s me.  *grins*

He starts out with a beating….letting me get any negativity out and clear my head.  He’s standing behind me, hugging me and suddenly just hauls off and punches me in the back.  I stumble and fall and he’s on top of me punching my arms and back repeatedly.  I’m on my hands and knees, holding on to his legs and staring at his shoes and crying so hard.  It’s a weird mindset that puts me in.  I love it.  I guess maybe some would yell “abuse” but it’s not.  Purely consensual…I want, need and crave everything he gives me.  I may not always like it or want to do it, but hey such is life and you do it anyway.  When he stopped, he held me and comforted me and allowed me to have a cigarette before we started our blood letting.

He has me lay down on the sleeping bag which is also my slave mat on the nights he deems I need to sleep on the floor.  He doesn’t tie me down anymore but in the beginning he use to.  I was so nervous and scared, I needed the restraints to keep me from jumping up and running for the door.  Now, I’m loving every second…maybe not at the time it’s happening because the pain is so fucking intense…but love it none the less.  I’m proud of the fact that I can lay perfectly still while he pierces my skin, slices my skin, and sews it back up.  I use to flinch…not good when doing a cutting.  You have to be perfectly still because if you move at the wrong moment…well…things could go bad and a trip to the ER is not a part of the fun - or at least it isn’t for us.

Everyone’s been given a shot with a needle at some point in their lives, so you know what that feels like.  Imagine it happening over and over again.   He pinches the skin on my back and then slides a needle through it…the pain is sharp and intense.  I do ok in the beginning…I’m stoic, taking it like a man….and then I crumble - I’m trying to breath through the pain and not move.  Once he has all his needles in - he pauses to smoke a cigarette and admire his handy work so far.  I’m still laying on the floor motionless because I feel like my left shoulder blade has just been nailed to the floor and I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. 

Next he gets out the razor blade.  With the needles through my skin, he cuts them out.  Instead of just pulling them out like he usually does, this time, he cuts them out.  Let me tell you - It fucking hurt!!!! I was breathing like I was in labor.   I’m moaning and melting with the pain….trying to wrap my mind around it.  I could feel a “pop” when he got down to where the needles were and that was a very weird sensation.  The feel of the blade digging deeper and deeper - I’m screaming on the inside and then (after what felt like eternity)  he was done, they were all out.  The blood is mostly pooling in the open wounds instead of running freely like it normally does.  I’m already feeling so sore.  The place on my back is also one of the places he was punching - so it was tender to begin with.

Then the suture….ahhh…  Been waiting for this for a long time and yes it was everything I’d hoped for.  We need to get a needle driver and since we don’t have one yet, Daddy used his fingers to push and pull the needle through.  He also isn’t a medical person and this was his first time sewing skin together so it took a while.  I could feel the string on the needle sliding through my skin and that was pretty fucking cool.  The pain seemed to last forever….as much I wanted the session to end - I didn’t.  Then when he was done, I pried my sore body off the floor and went to look at it in the mirror.   Oh my God, it couldn’t have turned out any better than it did.  He did an amazing job!  I love, love, LOVE it and am so proud to be wearing it.  The pain, the scars, the blood, the tears, all of it is so wonderful.  *smiles*

We started with the needles…….

This is after Master cut the needles out……..

He cleaned the wounds and got ready to sew…

These are my stitches and I’m sooo happy to be wearing them…