Blood Freak

I’m not sure when or how my fascination with blood got started, I just know it’s always been there as far back as I can remember.  As a child, I remember playing with the scrapes and cuts I got trying to make them bleed.  I picked at scabs just to reopen the wound and make it bleed some more.  Growing up I was always that “weird” kid the the other parents didn’t want their kids to be around. *smiles*

My first experience with cutting was an accident, I guess?  Not sure actually.  I was about 14 and I was hanging out with my cousin in her bedroom.  She’s older than me, she was about 16 or 17 then and she had this hand-mirror that she had broken, shards of mirrored glass were everywhere and I was helping her clean it up.  She left the room for what I don’t remember, I just remember I was alone for a while and I picked up the next piece of glass to be thrown away and looked at it.  I didn’t set out to cut my arm that day, it really just kinda happened.  I really believe that the fetish for blood and becoming a “cutter” picked me, I didn’t pick it - the glass was jagged, but sharp and for reasons known only to God, I put it to my arm, pressed down and roughly dragged it across my skin.  The pain was more like a burn, but it did bleed and I was thrilled!  Being young and dumb - what to do or how to hide it didn’t occur to me until after I had done it and my cousin had come back.  She wanted to know what had happened and I said I had accidentally cut myself.  I remember the look on her face because she knew I was lying and I remember feeling shame for cutting myself….not that it really stopped me.  I was hooked.  I enjoyed it, I loved it and I wanted more. 

 My grandpa used razor blades to cut out the corns on his feet so he had several boxes of new razor blades in their bathroom.  I stole a few and started experimenting.  I did a few quick gashes on my arm and I loved the instant warm and satisfied feeling I got.  When those cuts healed, I did one on my thigh - it probably should’ve had stitches put in it because it was so deep.  Then I did something I thought would be fun or “funny” and I made 8 cuts across my wrist to look like a suicide attempt.  I was young and thought it would be cool. lol.  I had no way of knowing the repercussions of that decision would last a lifetime.  When it healed and I was left with 8 long scars across my wrist, I realized I was going to have to live with them the rest of my life.  I panicked and I started to worry about what to do or say if/when anyone ever saw it.  Then as if on cue, my mom saw them.  She hit the roof - yelling, screaming, crying, thinking I was suicidal - it was hell!  I got sent to see a shrink and they talked about putting me in the hospital or on some medication.  My entire world was turned upside down over 8 scars on my wrist that I did on a whim and the whole fiasco was a fucking nightmare!  I finally convinced my mom that I wasn’t suicidal, I didn’t need a shrink,  I was just “experimenting” and cutting myself on purpose.   I think my mom would have preferred for me to be suicidal because then she started treating me like a freak.  To think your daughter is having emotional problems and trying to kill herself is one thing, to find out she cuts her wrist because she just likes doing it is apparently another.  Eventually the whole thing got swept under the rug and life went on, but that incident changed everything.  I stopped cutting myself so I could be my family’s version of normal, but my fascination with blood was still there.  I couldn’t get it out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. 

It took Daddy a long time to convince me that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was free from judgement and persecution.  The first time Daddy planned a scene that involved a cutting, I was thrilled and terrified.  That first cut brought back a flood of memories and emotions.  I watched him as he made small cuts on my thigh, wishing he’d go deeper and happy there was no shame in it.  He wasn’t going to make me feel bad for wanting it, liking it or needing it.  He understood.  I remember watching the blood run down my leg and feeling so free!  Free to be me!  Free to be the weird chick with a blood fetish. lol

Now, I’m wanting more blood - never satisfied that’s me. *smiles* I want to bathe in blood.  I want to be completely drenched in it from head to toe.  I also love that scene from the movie “Carrie” when they dump a bucket of pig’s blood on her.  That’s just fucking hot!  I would love to do it, but it would have to be human blood.  The idea of animal blood just doesn’t “do it” for me and I have no idea why.  It’s the same thing with bathing in it - it would have to be human blood.  Here’s the question, how do you get that much human blood without….let’s be clear here….without committing a crime?  I don’t know, but I’m thinking it over - always open to suggestions! *smiles*  So far, I’m thinking about drawing my own blood and storing it until I have enough….hmmmm.  I found this picture on the internet and I thought it was beautiful!

Is this not just amazing!?  I LOVE it!  I doubt it’s real blood, but it’s still pretty damn hot!  So there are 2 things that I’m working on now, finding Daddy and I another female to play with and finding a way to fill our bathtub full of (human) blood. *smiles*

Bipolar Moments

I had a “bipolar episode” yesterday, I wish there was a cure for this damn disorder because at those times, I really hate being inside my own head.  I lashed out at Daddy.  Not proud of this, actually very ashamed of myself and feeling guilty.  I was in a “mood” and Daddy tried to hold me and at that moment it felt constricting, confining, suffocating and I couldn’t handle it.  I wanted him to let me go and I started hitting him - it happened before I knew I was even doing it.  I just reacted.  Then I went to the bedroom and cried.  After I calmed down, we talked and got everything OK between us again and the rest of the day was great. *smiles*

Later on, I went to the video store and rented “Dead Silence” - it’s an excellent horror flick and “The Return” which sucked - don’t waste your time or money.  The kids were in bed and we had a great time on the couch just the two of us watching the movies.  When we went to bed, that’s when things got kinda messed up again.  I went right to sleep, but I soon woke up to Daddy fingering me and pushing up against me.  He put his cock in my ass with no lube and it was tight, he kept pushing and working his way in (the feeling of the sphincter muscle relaxing is still weird for me) and then he just reamed my asshole.  Next he did something he had never done before and it’s what kinda messed me up - he pulled his dick out of my ass and ordered me to taste my own ass on his cock.  I didn’t want to do it, but I did it and I felt like I was being punished.  I’m not an “ass” person.  I don’t like anal sex, but Daddy loves it so there you go.  It fucked with my head.  After he came, he snuggled with me a little then turned over to go to sleep.  I tried to sleep, but I was feeling restless and couldn’t.

 I got up to get a coke, have a smoke and try to figure out what the hell had just happened.  I was confused because it felt like I had been punished for lashing out earlier during a bipolar episode and he’s never punished me for that before.  If he was going to punish me for it, I couldn’t understand why he was punishing me hours after the incident had happened and after we’d had so much fun watching movies all night together.  Daddy got up and came in the living room to find out why I was up and he could tell something was bothering me.  I asked him if what had just happened was a punishment and he said No.  He explained that it was simply because he wanted to it.  He couldn’t sleep, he got horny, he knows how much I hate being woken up after I’m asleep, he wanted to fuck my ass and then he felt like making me taste my own ass.  Case closed.  I immediately felt better.  Knowing that it was done simply because he wanted to do it made all the difference in the world.  I explained what I thought had happened and we talked a little more about how he wouldn’t punish me for having a “bipolar moment” and how he can tell the difference between when I’m just in a rotten mood and when I’m “cycling”.  I felt such relief.  I should’ve known or remembered really, that when Daddy punishes me, he always makes sure I know I’m being punished and for what.  Damn my faulty thought processes. lol

When we went back to bed, we snuggled a little and I fell asleep happy that we had sorted everything out between us and that I had gotten to taste my own ass, even though I didn’t particularly like it, I’m happy he pushes my boundaries. *smiles*

 

 

Bleeding Love

 Our song is Alanis Morissette’s “Everything” and I asked Daddy if he would link it to the ‘About Us’ page and he did.  *smiles*  I love the song and what it represents to us.  The chorus - you see everything, you see every part, you see all my light and you love my dark.  You dig everything of which I’m ashamed, there’s not anything to which you can’t relate and you’re still here.”  To me, it feels like it was written about us and the first time I heard the song and really listened to the words - I cried.  I’ve probably played the video 20 times since he’s linked it to the site. lol

OK….moving on to what we’ve been up to….. *smiles*

Daddy’s on vacation this week, so we’ve had more time to play and it’s been wonderful!  He did a piercing on my back last night that hurt like a bitch while he was doing it, but the end result was sooo beautiful!  It’s was a large circle with some needles in the center and in all he ended up using 40 (22g) needles.  I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold still through 40 and asked Daddy to bind my arms so I couldn’t move - he was more than happy to tie me down for what he was about to do me. *smiles*  We were playing in the living room, so he got some rope, tied my hands together and then tied them to the leg of the couch.  I was thankful to have it too because there were a few times that I was pulling on that rope for dear life!

When the piercing was done, my back felt like it was on fire, but Daddy wasn’t finished with me yet.  He untied me, rolled me over on to my side and put two pillows on the floor and then rolled me on top of the pillows.  He had my ass in the air with my legs apart.  He fingered my pussy, rubbed my clit and got me all worked up to an orgasm then stopped.  I was begging Daddy to fuck me, but instead, he got out my favorite dildo - Big John and used it on me.  He wasn’t gentle about it at all, he spread my pussy lips apart and shoved it inside.  In and out, ramming me hard and fast, rubbing my clit and getting me all worked up to an orgasm then stopped - again.  I was really getting frantic - I WANTED TO CUM DAMN IT!! lol  Daddy then got out my other favorite toy - the rabbit - and used it on me.  I was so ready to cum that when the vibrations touched my clit - I exploded and it was the best orgasm of my life!

Taking the needles out is also very painful, not nearly as bad as going in, but it still fucking hurts.  We relaxed for a bit, talked, smoked a cig, and then Daddy told me to go get the razor blades.  YAY!!  I love piercings, but I REALLY love cuttings!  Love the blood. *grins*  To make me feel every bit like the fucktoy he wants and I am - he carved the degrading words “cum dumpster”, “whore” and “bitch” into my chest.  Wearing them like a label does make me feel lower, humbled, degraded and loved.

My favorite part of a cutting is after - I love the blood.  Daddy sat down on the couch and motioned for me to come to him.  I crawled over to him and he pulled out his cock.  I smeared his cock with my blood then licked it all off while staring up into his eyes.  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes - my sign that he’s ready for me to really start sucking his cock.  I took him all the way into my mouth and bobbed up and down for a while, then he told me to suck on his balls.  He grabbed me by my hair and had not only my mouth, but my entire face shoved between his legs while he was jerking off.  Then he told me to sit up and he exploded all over my face.  Glad I was already wearing my blindfold or he would’ve nailed me right in the eyes and cum burns. *smiles*

More Piercing Pics

The quick beating I got the other day was enough to pacify me for a little while, but I’ve still been in kind of a funk -  still needing some real pain.  The kind of pain that leaves you trembling, crying, and screaming.  The kind of pain that has you yelling obscenities at the top off your lungs.  I got my wish tonight.  *smiles*

I’ve been wanting a corset piercing for awhile now and tonight Daddy did one on both of my calves.  We haven’t bought the stuff yet to do one with metal rings, but we improvised and used hypodermic needles and some ribbon.  He put 20 needles in my calves, 10 on each side.  It turned out pretty fucking cool and I’m just happy I survived!  It hurt like hell!! I was OK through the first two needles, but as he went on, my resolve crumbled and I started screaming.  Every time I whimpered or cried out, Daddy would let out an evil laugh.  He told me several times how much my screaming turned him on and how he liked knowing he was causing me such intense pain.

When Daddy was done with my calves, I thought the session was over and I started to relax.  I was settling into the burning pain radiating from my legs when I found out he wanted to pierce my nipples next.  What?!  I was as excited to do it as I was not to do it.  Make sense?  I felt I had already been through the ringer, but Daddy wanted to pierce my nipples so what was I gonna do?  I just thought him piercing my calves hurt like hell.  I was thankful to have my ball gag  because I was screaming bloody murder!  I can’t even describe the pain - it was that intense.  When he was done, I was panting like a dog and shaking all over.  He held my hands until the shaking stopped and I was able to compose myself.  Then he said something that made my blood run cold - “Next time I’m piercing your clit.”  Gulp.

This is when Daddy first got started on my leg.

 

He was done putting the needles in the left calf - 10 total

Same leg just a different view.

The ribbon is tied around the needles on my left calf and he’s just finished putting the needles in my right leg.  I was crying by this point.

Same picture, just a different view.

Finished result - my first corset piercing!

Different view

This is after Daddy took all the needles out and the blood started running!  My favorite part!

Me standing, showing the blood as it runs down my leg….yummy feeling!

This is my very first nipple piercing!  I screamed all the way through it *smiles*

End result - a little bit of blood and me about to puke lol

Storming the Beach

Sometimes when I get in a funk, I just need some pain to clear my head and help me refocus.  I’m thankful that I have Daddy in my life, that he understands my need to be abused and is more than willing to oblige. *smiles*  It’s been a little while since Daddy has beaten me and I was starting to feel restless, cloudy and out of sorts.  Daddy could tell what I was needing just by how I was acting.  I wasn’t being a disobedient brat, but he could just tell that I was off kilter a little bit and needed an “adjustment”.

This is the hard part of being kinky and having small kids at home because we can’t just go off to the bedroom and play any ole’ time we feel like it - grrrr.  On occasion, we are able to steal some time alone for a quickie or as we like to call it, ”Storming the beach” (The line is from a Jeff Foxworthy joke about him and his wife trying to have quickie sex, tearing off their clothes, and running down the hallway towards their bedroom like they were storming the beaches of Normandy)  Of course we would like to take our time and have longer play sessions, but sometimes you just don’t have that luxury when the need arises.  Daddy also has to be at work during the week by 3pm so that’s a time killer for us too.  Damn job and kids lol.  Thankfully, today was one of those days when we were able to sneak off alone together long enough to ”storm the beach” - I love that phrase.  I just had a thought, maybe we should change it to “storming the bitch”. *grins*

The baby was finally taking a nap, I put in a video to occupy our son and we were off to take care of some business.  Knowing that Daddy had to get ready for work soon and that Sponge Bob will only amuse a 3 year old for so long - we had to get right down to it.  Immediately he started punching me, blow after blow to my arms, back, hip area and thighs.  Whatever part of my body he’s hitting, he usually hits the same place over and over again because that just makes it all the more painful.  Because we were working against time, he didn’t beat me until I cried for mercy, but it was enough to clear my head.  I felt better, but being the greedy bitch I am, I wanted more!  I want blood, tears, and pain so intense I’m screaming, but all of that will have to wait until the weekend when we have more time.

It’s kind of difficult at times like this to really get into anything sexual because there is always the threat of interruption.  After he was done beating me, he pulled out his cock for me to start sucking on and I did - greedily. *smiles*  After a couple of minutes watching me bob up and down on his cock, he grabbed my head and forced his cock even further down my throat.  He grabbed a handful of my hair (hurt like hell) and used it to help hold my head while he fucked my mouth.  I had a mouth full of saliva that I couldn’t do anything about, my jaw was screaming in pain, my neck felt like it was about to give out and I’m trying my damnedest not to gag with every thrust down my throat.  It was a rockin good time! *smiles*

When he shot his load down my throat, it tickled my tonsils and I did gag.  My eyes watered, I started coughing and had saliva mixed with cum running down my chin - Daddy laughed at me.  Then I cleaned up the mess I made - I licked his cum up off the floor, off of him and off of myself.  Daddy was very pleased and I felt centered again.  “Storming the beach” is definitely a good way to perk up the day. *smiles*

Broken Toys

I’m bipolar and having this disease fucking sucks!  I take Lithium and Lamictal everyday just to be sane and I hate it.  I don’t want to take these pills every single day for the rest of my life just to function properly.  By “properly” what I mean is - acting in a socially appropriate way. When I’m having a bipolar episode, I can get aggressive, angry, hostile, and violent, but it’s not everytime or all the time.  At those moments when it is bad, I have what the Drs. call Antisocial Behavior and a lack of impulse control.  I’ve had altercations at Walmart, Walgreen’s, Food City and probably some other places too, but I don’t remember the details. 

Large crowds of people in small places can sometimes bring an episode on and that happened to me oneday at Walmart.  This lady’s cart was blocking the entire isle and I couldn’t get around her on either side.  Now, the socially accepted thing to do would have been to politely say ”Excuse Me” and go on by after she smiled politely, said “Sorry” and moved her cart.  No problems.  What I did was, ram her cart with mine and push it into her, knocking her off balance.  I was expecting her to react with anger and I was ready for it.  At that moment, I was wanting it.  She just looked at me like I was crazy (which I was) and left.  When things like this happen, it’s like I’ve stepped outside of myself and lose all control.   I didn’t even realize I had shoved the cart into her until I had already done it.  I’m not proud of this crap.  I hate being this way and I couldn’t believe that I had done that.  I stopped shopping, paid for what I had and got the hell outta there. 

The medication is helping.  God bless Lithium!  The Walmart incident was months ago, before my meds were adjusted and it’s pretty much why my meds were adjusted.  I’m getting better at controlling it and I’m proud of myself.  Daddy is proud of me too.  I know he’s happy we found a pill combo that appears to be working for me, because as I’m sure you can imagine, having me as a slave (during an episode) can be a real pain in the ass.  He’s found over the years, the best way to handle me during one of those times is just to leave me alone.  Completely cut off and ignore me.  It’s not a punishment, it’s just I’m so aggressive and combative at that moment, that submission goes out the window.  I’m looking for a fight and he knows it.  He understands the disease.  He understands me and he’s a saint.  He knows I’m going through mental torture and all I can do is wait it out.  Almost all of my previous boyfriends dumped me because of the crazy times and in the early part of our relationship, I was convinced Daddy would get sick of the disorder, sick of me and leave too.  He said he would never leave me and almost 12 years later, he’s still here.  Seriously, my Daddy is applying for sainthood because he can handle all this drama - he says it’s because he likes a challenge.  God bless him.  *smiles*  When I have another mood swing and the episode is over, I’m fine.  All the aggression, anger, and hostility is gone.  It can really fuck with your head.

What I hate the most, is how “bipolar” translates into “crazy” in the minds of most people.  I don’t like to tell people I have it because I feel like I’m treated differently afterwards.  Alot of people don’t understand the disorder and have said things to me like “Snap out of it!” or “Get over it!”.  Trust me, this isn’t done for attention and if I could ”snap out of it” - I fucking would!  I hate the label of being menatlly ill.  I hate the stigma that goes with it.  I don’t want to be that girl, but I fucking am that girl and I hate it.  I’ve had people literally back away from me after I’ve told them about it.  It’s easy to feel isolated, alone and sometimes it feels like this disease is all I am and it sucks.  I’m not a slave, wife, mother, or a friend - I’m just bipolar girl.   

I also have periods of severe depression.  Not nearly as often as I use to.  I have what they call “rapid cycling” and without medication, I would have serveral major mood swings in one day.  When I’m up, I’m way up and when I’m down, I can get way down.   The severity of the depression varies and I can’t control it either.  It sucks.  My mind is screaming and I want so badly to snap out of it, but the numbness just feels like a lead blanket smothering me.  During those times, all I can do is wait for another mood swing to come and for the depression to lift.

It makes being a slave even more challenging.  Even though my episodes are not a daily occurrence, I still feel like a failure when they happen.  During an episode, I’m about as far from submissive as a person can get and I hate that about myself.  I know it’s hard on Daddy too because it’s like he’s lost me for a little while.  My body is here, but the mind is somewhere in a bad place.  When it’s over, I always feel shame and apologize for anything I’ve said or done to him during that time.  He always forgives me, hugs and kisses me and says it’s ok, but I always still feel guilty.  I don’t get punished for having an episode because he said it would be like punishing a person with epilepsy for having a seizure.  That makes sense to me and I’m so grateful to him.  I love Daddy so much just for being the wonderful, understanding and compassionate man he is.  Love his sadistic side too. *smiles*   

 

 

 

 

Naughty Baby Girl

Since I’ve been masturbating so much lately with “Big John” -  Daddy decided to have me put on a little show for him.  He wanted to see what all I have been doing to myself while he’s at work. *smiles*  He also wanted to photograph it and have me share the pics here on the blog.  I can’t say I’m not thrilled about being shown off, the exhibitionist in me loves to show her shit!

This is me on the couch when I was just getting started

A nice close up….

Here’s me inserting “Big John”

I love to take the dildo almost all the way out and then…

Thrust it back deep inside me

Rubbing my clit and getting so close to orgasm

Close up of my pussy after I just had one of the best orgasms of my life

Licking my nipple for Daddy…

I love to suck on my own nipples and Daddy loves to watch

Last but not least, here’s a shot of my ass….notice the marks Daddy left *smiles*

 

Ecstacy and Pain

Wow, last night was intense - I’m still recovering from it. *grins*  Around 9pm, well after the kiddies went to sleep, I was looking at some porn on the internet.  I was looking at various sites, but some girl on girl Mistress/slave action is what got me the horniest and I was suddenly in the mood to abuse myself.  I got out our clothespins, the ball gag, my leash and my favorite dildo, “Big John”. *smiles*

 I put two clothespins on my nipples, one right next to the other one and I put the ball part of the gag just inside the opening of my pussy.  I wanted to get my juices flowing all over it before I shoved it my mouth.  My nipples were starting to protest the clamps, so I bounced up and down to make my breasts shake and hurt more. *smiles*  I could feel the ball teasing the opening of my cunt so I pushed it further in and took it back out…in and out making sure it was saturated it with my juices.  It felt so good and I couldn’t wait to taste some pussy on it.  I started tugging on the clamps, making my nipples scream in pain even more and then I attached the leash to my collar just to feel more submissive - like a reminder that I’m an owned slut allowed only to do these things with Daddy’s permission.  I was so hot grinding on this ball, wanting to shove “Big John” inside me and grind on it, but I was forcing myself to wait.  Then I crumbled.  Lust overtook me -  I took the ball gag from my pussy and crammed it in my mouth.  The smell and taste of pussy was heavenly.  Next, I grabbed the extra huge dildo and shoved it up inside me as far as it would go.  I was was fucking it, bouncing on it, grinding it deep inside.  My head was swirling from the intense pleasure and I stood up, put both hands on the base of the dildo and rammed my pussy with it until I came so hard I lost my balance and nearly fell over the computer chair.  My arms were so sore from all that thrusting….mmmm….but, damn was it good. *smiles*  After I calmed down and was able to catch my breath, I removed the clamps from my nipples - OUCH! 

My intention was to keep the ball gag in my pussy until Daddy got home and (hopefully) he would put the gag in my mouth, fuck me and remove the clamps.  I failed miserably.  I got so incredibly horny that I lost all willpower not to maturbate to orgasm.  I called Daddy to tell him that I had not done what I had set out to do.  He laughed and asked if I had a good orgasm and I told him about what all I had done.  He was a little disapointed because he said he was looking forward to coming home with me in a state of near frenzy and that made me feel bad.  I felt like even though I didn’t break any rules or instructioins, I had still let him down.  I’m allowed to masturbate when he isn’t home, but I had told him I was going to keep the clamps on my nipples and to hold off on cumming and I didn’t do either.  When we got off the phone, I attempted to put the clamps back on my nipples and that lasted all of a second because they were still way too sensitive….and I’m a wuss. *smiles*

 I didn’t even look at the clamps again until it was almost time for Daddy to get off from work.  About fifeteen minutes before he was do to leave work, I sucked it up and put the clamps back on my nipples.  They were still protesting the agony from the first round, so I had a little pep talk with myself….”Suck it up, you’re a pain slut, you are an owned cunt and this is what Daddy wants to come home too.  You caved in earlier and took the clamps off - you’re not going to do it again.”  Even though Daddy didn’t say I had to, as penance for breaking my promise to him, I attached some of the clamps to my pussy lips.  The pain was definitly torture.  As the minutes wore on like hours, I was trying to breath through the pain, but it was mind numbing.  I bent over the couch with both hands on the back of it, clawing and digging at the fabric.  I put the ball gag back in my mouth because I needed to scream to deal with the agony.  Daddy called to say he was on his way and I literally couldn’t speak.  All I could get out of my mouth were a series of gurgles and groans.  I was panting like a dog and completely incoherant because Daddy couldn’t make out any of the words I was trying to say, so he laughed at me and said he’d be home soon.

 With every second that went by, I was sure I couldn’t take anymore.  All I could feel was an intense burning pain shooting from my pussy to my tits.  I thought about removing them and just dealing with the cosequences if he was disapointed with me, but I forced myself to go on.  I was bound and determined to give him what he wanted to come home to - me in a state of frenzy.  It was ecstasy and hell all together in one.  I loved it and I hated it.  I wanted it to end NOW and I wanted it to last longer.  My mind went to some far off place where my thoughts were all jumbled and cloudy.  I was making animal noises, low growls and loud moans. My legs were involuntarily shaking, wobbling and I couldn’t control them.  Looking at the clock, I knew Daddy would be home any minute and I started to cry.  I wanted him to walk through the door and be proud of me.  Also, I was hoping he would save me and not prolong my suffering. 

 Hearing his key in the door was the most glorious sound in the world to me….he came in the living room and stood watching me squirm in pain for a few moments.  I thought he was going to leave me in my current state so I started whimpering and pleading with him with my eyes.  He took pity on me and removed the clamps - HOLY SHIT!!  The white hot sering pain was almost blinding.  My wobbley legs gave out on me, I fell on the floor and sat there for a little while as Daddy just smiled and snickered at me.

After we both had rested for a little while and I was able to move again….I crawled over to Daddy, got in-between his legs, took his cock out of his shorts and started sucking on it.  I love the feeling of his cock getting hard in my mouth.  I sucked on his huge cock for a little while then I licked his shaft, his balls and sucked on them for a little bit.  I was headed back up to suck on his cock some more when all of a sudden he lunges at me knocking me on my back.  He’s inside me before I know it and fucking me like a whore.  He’s buried so deep inside me that my stomach hurts, but the pounding feels sooo good that I never want him to stop.  I’ve got my head buried in his chest and while he’s holding me, he furiously fucks me until he fills me up.

After we talked and just hung out for a bit, we went to bed.  I fell asleep a very, VERY happy and satisfied little slut.  *smiles*

Play Piercing Pictures

 I’ve added three new links from my blog to other places I currently visit or have visited.   Albany Power Exchange is a good site, it has some useful information on it for those starting out in this lifestyle or for those who are just curious.  BDSM Cafe is full of fictional bdsm erotica stories - I’ve gotten off reading a few of them. *grins*  Kinky Medical is where we buy some of the supplies we use for cuttings or peircings.  I have a friend that works in surgery, she knows about our lifestyle and she steals some things for us when she can. *smiles*

Ok, now on with the regular post lol

I love corset piercings.  I love piercings in general, but I think corset piercings are just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen and I want one so bad.  Daddy said he’ll do one on me, but I have to be patient and wait for him to decide when the right time is.  Patience is NOT my thing, but I’m dealing with it or at least trying to. *smiles*  I found some pictures on the net of corset piercings and others.  They are so beautiful, I just love to stare at them.   Remember - these photos are not of me and I don’t know these people either.  They are just random net pics.

When we renew our wedding vows, I want to wear a dress like this!

 

These pictures are of various piercings I saw, loved and want to try.

These pictures are of after the needles are taken out and the blood starts to flow.  This is the part I love the most because I love the sight of blood.  When I see it,  my pulse quickens, my heart starts beating faster and if there is alot of blood, I get lightheaded. 

 

Used and Abused

I’m not liking the changes wordpress has made - why does everyone want to screw with something that isn’t broken?

Anyway…..

Today was a fun day - Daddy had the day off and we got to spend it together and even found some time to play while the kids were up. *grins*  Whenever we were alone together throughout the day - Daddy would punch me, slap me, twist my nipples or slap my ass.  Mmmmmmmm…. 

After the kids went to bed….we were standing in the kitchen together and I was making him a snack when he all of sudden he grabs me, turns me around, slams me up against the wall a few times, then bends me across the counter and just starts punching my back with his fists.  Solid punches like he was fighting a man.  I was loving every blow he gave and when he struck me it felt like he was knocking the wind out of me.  Physical violence makes my pussy sloppy wet.  When he was done, he held me and said he was proud of me. *smiles*  I was shaking and so incredibly sore, it was also painful to move or breath and being the hypochondriac/former medical person I am - I’m always convinced, after something that brutal, that he’s cracked my ribs or done someother kind of internal damage.  So far he never has - he’s rough with me, but he’s always aware of and in control of what he’s doing.

After he ate, we snuggled on the couch and watched t.v. together.  A little while later, he gets up and bends over me like he’s going fuck me, but instead he starts punching my arms, thighs and hips.  My hands and arms intinstively go up to protect myself and that always makes him more aggressive.  My head was swimming so I don’t really remember alot, but at somepoint he started fucking me.  I’m laying there, so incredibly sore while he’s grinding me into the couch.  Deep, hard thrusts, abusing my body even more.  I knew this had nothing to do with my pleasure…there wasn’t going to be an orgasm for me.  Tonight I was going to be just his fucktoy.

When he was done with me - I felt used and abused and just so damn sore!  For the rest of the night, we either watched t.v. or played on the computer.  When bedtime came, my muscles were stiff and aching and  I was sooo ready to curl up all warm and cozy under the blanket and drift off to sleep.  Nope -  Daddy was horny again.  I admit, I wanted to go to sleep and I wasn’t thrilled at the thought of having my pussy pummeled again and that’s when I found out that it was my ass he wanted this time……  Aw, fuck.  I hate anal sex.  I just do.  We’ve played around with using his fingers and butt pluggs and all that, but I just don’t like it.  However, this fact doesn’t do much to persuade Daddy because as he told me once ” You can hate it, but you’re gonna do it.”  So I turn over on my side, he snuggles up behind me and it occurrs to me he’s not going to use any lube.  Luckily for me, I was still wet from earlier and that helped some.  He keeps telling me to relax…since I don’t like it -  I don’t want to do it and my body responds to that by making entry harder for him, but really it’s just harder on me because he’s getting in whether my body wants him to or not.  I will myself to relax, and he’s able to get all the way inside and starts fucking me.  I’m trying really hard to get into it and enjoy it.  I’m trying to find that place in my mind and I can’t.  All I can do is take deep breaths, hold in the pain and try not to scream until he is finished with me.   When he’s done, he asks if I’m ok and I am (for the most part) after a hug and kiss, he turns over and goes to sleep.

I lay there for a little while thinking about the day’s events and how much I love days like these, *smiles*  and I love that my body is physically hurting all over.  I love the pain, I love that he sometimes ignores my pleas for him to stop.  I crave ‘domestic abuse’.   I want to be battered and abused - I love it when he manhandles me down to the ground and throws punch after punch at me.  The violence is such a huge turn on for me .*smiles*   He doesn’t punch my face ( he slaps it) but everything else is fair game.  One time he kicked me in the stomach so hard I puked.  After reminicing for a bit - I rolled over and drifted off to sleep hoping I’d have some bruises to show for it all. *grin*

UPDATE:  I only developed two bruises from all this - one on my leg and one on my arm.  Damn, I hate having deep veins and being so hard to bruise.