I know alot of people come to a BDSM blog to read about all the kinky stuff and look at pictures and I promise to get back to that soon, but I’ve just been going through something and our kinky sex life has been on the back burner. 

 We kinda went over budget this month and didn’t have enough money left over to get one of my meds, I thought I’d be ok going a week without it until Daddy got paid again, but I was soooo wrong.  Lesson learned here, the meds leave my system quickly and it doesn’t take long to fall completely apart, so for now on, we’ll definitely make sure to put the money aside to buy the pills. 

 I’m sure people are getting tired of hearing about the bipolar stuff and when I started this blog I wasn’t going to mention being bipolar at all, but then I realized this blog is about us and our lives and unfortunately, my bipolar disorder is a part of our lives.  If someone else can relate to what I write, then that’s great and I really hope it helps them and if not, then this is just a glimpse into some of the struggles we face in our M/s relationship.  It’s not all bondage, beatings and blood.

Daddy got paid yesterday and I got my pills.  Soon I should be “regulated” again and we can get back to the fun stuff.  In my last post I had said it was a horrible day and I hoped to never have one like it again, but sadly yesterday was worse.  I’m going to spare everyone the ugly details, but lets just say submission went right out the window and I said some mean, vile and terrible things to Daddy.  At one point I saw him clench his fist and his arm stiffened and I know he wanted to knock my ass out, but he didn’t.  Talk about having self-control.  Later on after my light-switch had flipped again, he told me to be glad I wasn’t a man or he would’ve decked me.  I swear I don’t do this crap on purpose.  I don’t want this warfare between us and know that I’m the reason why.  I wish I had his self-control and could shut the fuck up sometimes.  I don’t know how many people reading this have seen the movie “Juno”, but if you haven’t you should because it’s amazing!!  There is a song playing when she goes into labor and part of the chorus sums up exactly how I feel “tell you that I love you then I’ll tear your world apart - just pretend I didn’t tear your world apart.”  I hate that I do that to him sometimes, but he always forgives me and for that I’m eternally grateful.  I’ll be glad when the medication is fully working again and things can get back to normal.