I’ve really dropped the ball. Why is it a few days after a really good intense scene, when everything feels right in the world and you’re floating on cloud 9 that everything then falls apart? Maybe it’s just me. I showed my ass yesterday and not in a good way. 
It’s understood and accepted that as slaves we get all the grunt work. Generally I get off on knowing that I have chores to complete or else, but yesterday I felt put-upon and resentful. I got frustrated that all my hard work around the house seemed to go unnoticed and I adopted this “entitled” attitude like Daddy owed me some kind of gratitude for all that I do around here. I was acting like a royal bitch - slamming stuff, stomping my feet, huffing and puffing, etc. Not good. I wish I could just operate under his command like a mindless robot, do as I’m told and stop over-thinking stuff, but unfortunately I’m human and therefore fuck up.
He let me carry on until I had enough rope to hang myself with, then he had to go to work and said he’d deal with me later when he got home. Yeah, I started back pedaling then. I apologized several times before he left the house, but all I got was that “I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work” look. I even called him at work to apologize, but still got the same response - “I’ll deal with you when I get home.” Crap. I’ve done it now, good going smart-ass.
When Daddy came home, I was excited to see him and then again I wasn’t. While we were eating dinner he told me what my punishment would be and I lost my appetite upon hearing the news. I got my face slapped several times as a reminder to either shut the fuck up or find a more respectful way to discuss what I’m feeling with him. I received 40 lashes with his belt across my already bruised ass and I lost the privilege of sleeping in the bed next to him. Until further notice, I’m now sleeping on the floor at his feet. I balked at this and told him I thought he was being unfair. Seriously, when the hell WILL I learn to shut-up and just accept what I’m told??? He reminded me that I have nothing except what he allows and that everything is a privilege. Sleep is a privilege, eating is a privilege, etc. I said I was tired and asked to lay down on my mat to go to sleep. Honestly, I was still licking my wounds and I’m sure he knew that. In the middle of the night, Daddy woke me up by flipping me over from my tummy to my back and started roughly fingering my pussy almost like he going to fist me. I started sobbing and he pulled out his cock and shoved it in my mouth. He told me again that sleep was a privilege and that I don’t get to do anything or have anything without his permission. Then he told me to beg him to stop. I was crying and pleading for him to stop. He did, but not before telling me that if I ever pull this defiant crap on him again, it will be my ass that gets fisted next time. Gulp.
I found you through Kaya’s site - I love fisting as well and trust me you don’t want the ass fisted its not the same sensation at all! so STFU LOL
Good point. lol
I can say that this is something I don’t miss about my past relationship. It did get to the level where if I smarted off - at all - or he perceived that I was smarting off - I would be punished and NOT in a good way. I have since learned that I am way too independent to allow myself to be punished like a 2 year old - and that is why I would’nt have lasted too much longer in that relatioship anyway. You are truly living the DOM/sub lifestyle - and you know, there are consequences and rewards for that.
I know what the rewards are, what would you consider the consequences to be?
Do you feel like one of the rewards of being a slave is getting punished? I was thinking maybe slaves will do things to get their Master pissed so that they get the punishment they really want? I mean i could be off base with this thinking; except it would make sense to me for a slave to complain about certain things; and yet still want and need the punishment, so, in a way, is it just one of the “rewards” or “perks” of being a slave? -being a slave i guess you have to
restrain certain feelings inside-thats why I could never be slave!- - plus i don’t like anyone telling me what to do! but everyone lives their life as they choose-thats the important thing
In the beginning I did do stuff to see if Daddy would notice and punish me for it. I think “testing” our Owners is something all slaves go through and do. It’s a way of maintaining control even though you tell yourself that you’re just making sure that he’s paying attention and actually will enforce the rules. Some slaves (like me) realize that they can’t have it both ways, you can’t drive the car and be a passenger in the back seat. Some slaves (the brats) and some of their Owners, enjoy the game of acting out.
I don’t think of punishment as a reward at all. Even doing the same thing you sometimes do for fun, like Daddy whipping me with his belt, has a totally different vibe to it when done as a punishment. As for restraining certain feelings, I can voice any thought or emotion I’m having, as long it’s done with a respectful tone. Yes, a respectful tone isn’t always easy to maintain….that pesky human nature stuff still gets in the way. lol This is what happened to me the other day. I was pissed, but instead of talking to him about it - I had a meltdown and acted like a fool. I hope this long-winded reply answered your question. lol
What I mean by consequences is, in my experience, when you live a TOTAL, 100% DOM/sub lifestyle, you are always held to the ’slave’ standard. Meaning, there are not days when you smart off, talk back, assert your own free will without permission. In my opinion, a consequence of living in the lifestyle is giving up that portion of yourself. Now, it is true that you may gain a much higher enlightenment about your inner self and, as a reward, be ultimately happier in that situation, but you do have to surrender that free-thinking, free acting, I am only accountable to and for myself portion. Would you agree?
Hmmm…I think all that sums up the definition of being a slave. Submissives can have their limits and bounderies, but not a slave. You are always his slave with no time off to be “free” the second you accept that collar. You go into this life-style (hopefully) understanding that you are giving up your own free will and that the days of doing whatever you wanted whenever you wanted are over. You are accountable to your Owner and can only have or do the things he/she approve of.
If someone still wanted to be their own person, then I don’t think they should even entertain the idea of being a slave because it’s not always easy, pretty or fun. Sometimes it down right sucks, but if this is the path someone chooses then I think they have to accept all of it. A submissive might be able to pick and choose - I like this, I don’t like that, etc. but a slave can’t. It’s all or nothing. Of course these are only my views on the topic. Some may disagree, but my ulitimate goal is to reach that state of automated service, with no hesitation or thinking about it on my part…like a robot.
Exactly! That is what I think would have ultimately ended my relationship (if it wasn’t ruined by him first) I would not have been able to be that, to be a robot. I love to be dominated - but in the bedroom, not outside of it. I grew tired of that quickly. I didn’t have the right ‘make up’ for it. I don’t judge those who do surrender completely - it is a lifestyle that many have the stomach or heart for. I was definitely a slave in my past relationship - and I would have much preferred to be a sub. I think that is an important distinction, and it was right on for you to make it!
Hi roses;
Thanks for clarifying for me! and here i was thinking you were enjoying it all this time!!! when you were really being punished!!! oh well, what do i know. Anyway, we’re all human and we’re all gonna fuck up now and then. I’m sure things are better now.
Mikayla - I’ve always enjoyed being dominated in the bedroom and then when I discovered BDSM it was like something inside my mind clicked. I found out who and what I really am and went for it.
Suzanne - No problem, I’m happy to answer any questions you or anyone else may have. After punishment is given out and taken, the slate is wiped clean. He doesn’t hold it against me so yeah, everything is all better now.