Unintentional Punishment

Last night was new for us and Daddy really liked it so I’m sure it will become a part of my routine. 

I usually am nude and crawling to get whatever Daddy wants and last night he wanted a pack of cigarettes (yes we know it’s unhealthy so in 20 years you can say “I told you so”.) I was crawling hunched over, ass in the air, pushing a pack of cigarettes across the carpet to him using only my nose.  What would normally take 2 seconds to do suddenly took 5 minutes. Later on, Daddy wanted a canned coke and I crawled to get it then tried rolling it back to him using my nose.   He enjoyed laughing at all my struggles to navigate towards him and I enjoyed being humiliated that way too. 

For the last few nights, Daddy has had me sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.  I was really tired, it was after 2am and I just wanted to sleep.  I asked for permission to crawl inside my bed and he let me.  A few minutes later as I getting comfortable, I heard him ask “Where’s the lighter?”  I was annoyed that I had to get up and go get it when it was on a table 3 feet from him and he knew I was annoyed, but let it pass.  A little while later as I was starting to drift off - he wanted me to turn the lamp off.  I was pissed off this time having to get back up because now it’s after 3 am and the baby gets up at 7am like she can tell time.  I’m the one who has to get up with her while he sleeps in the bed til whenever he wants.  Yes, I know I just described slavery, but it’s hard to be cheerful about it all the fucking time.  We got into an argument about it, he grabbed my collar and pulled me towards him then grabbed a handful of my hair and jerked my neck back and growled in my face “What the fuck are you?” and I whispered “Your slave Sir”.  He reminded me that sleep was a luxury and that he could have me stand in the corner for an hour or longer if he wanted.  I suddenly felt more docile, I also felt a little scared and horny.  He pushed me away and told me to go to sleep.  I felt icky inside that I messed up, but a part of me was turned on by his reaction. 

This morning I woke up at a little after 7am by the baby while Daddy slept.  I was trying hard to hold onto that submissive feeling from the night before, but that was hard to do on maybe 4 hours of sleep.  By the time Daddy woke up, I was stressed, tired and being a royal bitch.  I was acting like a brat and we got into small arguments all day long.  I was feeling the pressure of it all, the motherhood combined with slavery and had a meltdown.  He slapped me across the face (the kids were not in the room) to get my attention and accidentally caught my eye in the process.  Daddy immediately apologized and I know it was an accident, but damn it fucking hurt!!!  I sat with an ice pack on my face for a little while and eventually it stopped throbbing.  Accidents happen, that’s just part of it all.

We’ve talked it all out and everything is fine now.  My eye still hurts, but it’s not as bad as it was.  I’m actually starting to get kinda horny over it.  Is that weird?  lol 

Hilarious You-Tube Videos

I found these videos on You-Tube and had to post them here because they are just too damn funny!!!  If you want or need a good laugh - watch them!!  They are hilarious!! 

 This is why you shouldn’t put stuffed animals in the rear car window….

 

This is what happened when the Doughboy got poked one too many times…..

 

Thoughts On A Few Topics

I’m giving myself a “name”.  Not my real name, but something that people can call me by that’s more personal than pinkroses521 is.  So from now on I’m going to be calling myself Rose.  Daddy and I like it and it’s just a shortened version of my screen name anyway.  :)  It didn’t occur to me to give Daddy a name until Kari (Hi!) asked about it.  He’s decided to just be known as Daddy.  That’s what I call him at home and that’s what I call him on this blog, so why make up something else?

Some may remember that I found a lump in one of my arm pits.  I’m actually embarrassed to admit this because now I feel silly, but it turned out to be an ingrown hair.  All that worry and stress (not to mention Doctor visit co-pay) over an ingrown hair!  I feel dumb, but hey at least it’s not anything serious so I’m thankful for that.  I also didn’t have to tell the Doctor about my lifestyle because he never saw the evidence and I wasn’t going to bring it up on my own.  He didn’t ask and I didn’t tell - it’s not just for the military.  :) 

Vixen (HI!) talked about this on her blog, but I’ve got to talk about it here too.  What is with all the W/we, O/our, or U/us crap?  It’s annoying as hell!!  I’m not knocking anyone for the way they do things, to each their own is my motto, but in my opinion it’s just silly.  I’m always on the look out for new blogs to read to add to my blogroll and I’ve found some that I was enjoying up until I came across the capital letter, slash, rest of the word stuff.  In my opinion it makes reading the post difficult, I usually stop reading immediately and move on.  I’ve noticed it a lot in chat rooms and message boards and I can’t help myself from laughing.

As a few of you know, Daddy and I are looking for a female to play with.  This search is proving to be a helluva lot harder than I thought it would be.  We’ve joined a few sites on the net, have pics, biographies, all of it and still no takers.  We aren’t the only ones looking either.  Couples looking for a single female is the number one category on all the sites we belong too so there’s a lot of competition out there.  I also think some of it might be her fear.  I put myself in her place and I don’t know if I would reply to an ad from a couple either.  It’s scary because it’s like two of us against only one of her and we’re all strangers.  People say all kinds of shit so you never really know what a strangers true intentions toward you are.  Of course we wouldn’t harm her, but she doesn’t know that.  Then we also have to think of ourselves too because we have no idea who she really is and what her true intentions are.  It’s all very complicated and scary.  If anyone has any suggestions - I’m all ears.

We want to go to a munch and meet like-minded people face to face.  Maybe make some friends and possibly (hopefully) get to play in public.  That’s my second favorite fantasy and something I want to do before I die.  My first fantasy is Daddy and I both being with another woman - didn’t see that one coming did ya?  lol  Anyway, in our shit-hole town there isn’t a local munch group.  The closest one is two hours away.  There’s no guarantee that it would even be fun or that we’d even meet people we could become friends with so for right now, it’s not even worth the effort.  Daddy is thinking we should start our own group and I’m very excited about that possibility!

OK, I’ve rambled on about nothing long enough. 

Rose

Partners In Reproductive Crime

Yes, I’m mentioning kids on this blog again so if anyone feels the need to tell me how “inappropriate” I am being, you can just fuck off now.

Being a mommy is hard.  Being a slave is often not easy either.  Combine the two and holy shit!  It requires a kind of strength that even Hercules doesn’t have.  I constantly feel like the rope in a game of tug-of-war.  I feel like I’m serving 3 Masters and it often feels like I don’t/can’t give any of them my all.  I think it’s harder to be a 24/7 slave if you have young children as apposed to older ones.  Older kids can do more for themselves, they have their own activities to keep them busy and their own lives.  I don’t think I would feel nearly as frazzled by the end of the day if my kids were older, but they are not.  They are both under the age of 4, can do NOTHING for themselves, are constantly under my feet and often on my nerves.  I know they aren’t TRYING to frustrate me and I love how innocent they are, how they trust without question and love without hesitation.  Knowing all that doesn’t make being a mommy/slave any easier.   Sometimes being a stay-at-home-mom is just so damn glamorous that by the time Daddy gets home - I’m stressed out and not really excited by the fact that now I have someone else to cater to.  Sorry if that gets me blasted for not being a “real” or “true” slave - guess I’m kicked out of the club, but it’s the fucking truth.  Sometimes all of it weighs on me and I want to scream “I’ve had enough!!”

Often I sit with my head back against the couch with the crook of my arm covering my eyes, indulging in the fantasy of not having the children around and only having Daddy to think about and serve.  It seems like Heaven.  The IDEAL situation.  Then I push the thought out of my head and snap back to my reality because I have a screaming, teething infant to contend with and a 3 year old whose mission in life is to be a one child demolition crew.  Sometimes I go into mommy/slave overload and then proceed to have the subsequent meltdown.  I can’t imagine that I’m alone in this never ending struggle of now mommy - now slave - now mommy - now slave…..Augh!!!!

I was thinking about last night’s scene and why it was I had been so excited about it all day, but when the time came to have fun - I couldn’t get into it.  It’s the stress I’ve been feeling of being here with the hellions day after day, apparently it’s been building up inside me and I didn’t even realize it.

What to do about it?  I have no fucking clue what to do about it.  I can’t keep stuffing it down and not acknowledging it because I tried that and it didn’t work out so well.  Some have said meditation - I don’t fully get the whole meditation thing.  I tried it once and I think I did it wrong because it didn’t help.  Exercise is an option I’m going to try - hell you can tell from my pics that my ass (literally) could use a little or a lot of exercise.  Drinking is a thought too. lol  Just kidding. 

Daddy is always telling me that “It will get better” and I know he’s right, but when you’re in the trenches during a war it’s hard to tell yourself and believe that it will get better.  Daddy allowed me to whine, bitch, moan, groan and complain to him about all of it.  When I was done with my rant all he said was “I love you”.  I responded with “I love you too Daddy, but right now I’m not liking you very much Sir for knocking me up.”  He laughed and said “It will all be ok, we aren’t partners in life, but we are partners in reproductive crime.”  That made me smile and laugh and I actually did start to feel better about things.  He’s wonderful, my kids are wonderful and I really am a very lucky woman who would do well if she could remember all that.  Good luck. 

The Cane, A Few Clamps and A Popsicle

Yep, the title pretty much sums it up.  This was our play session last night, wish I could say it was great fun (for me anyway) but it wasn’t.  It wasn’t a bad scene, but I just could not get into the mood for it all.  There were no endorphins pumping making the pain seem less severe and more erotic - it all just seemed so excruciatingly painful and I could not wrap my mind around the sensations or get into them. I’m not sure why.  Maybe it’s my medication kicking back in and the pendulum is swinging back the other way.  Maybe it’s the stress of trying to balance slavery along with being a mother to two very young kids.  I don’t know.  As for last night’s scene, I’d known all day long that we were going to be doing this and was so excited about it.  I made sure to shower, shave my legs, shave my pussy hair, had everything ready, but when the moment came - I just wasn’t in it.  There was no sub space to be found.  It happens.  Part of that whole reality thing about BDSM that bites you on the ass and fucks everything up.  

Some probably would say that Daddy should’ve stopped since I wasn’t in the right mind set and I say ” Hell no, I’m GLAD he kept going!”  Daddy was having a ball and even though my mind or mood wasn’t particularly up for all of it - who’s in charge here?  Daddy is.  Had he stopped because I wasn’t feeling it, that would have put ME in control of the situation and neither one of us wants that.  When it was over, I was glad it was over, but I had conflicting feelings.  On one hand I was proud that I hung in there, but on the other hand I felt like a slave failure for not being more into it.  Daddy was happy and proud of me for getting through it so that is all that truly matters.

These are the cane marks on my ass.  Notice the right butt cheak, see the dark spot?  That’s blood.  He struck me so hard with that rod that it actually broke the skin and drew blood.  Even though I wasn’t in the proper mindset for it - anytime he draws blood from me is pretty fucking cool.

  

These are the wire clips that I found in the grocery store and the masochist in me would not let me pass them up.  Last night I could’ve kicked my own ass for ever buying these damn things.  Normally I love clamps, nipple torture and all that goes with it, but last night…..not so much.  You can’t really see my face in the second picture, but I’m crying and grimacing - trust me.

  

This was after the clips came off, my poor pussy was all red and swollen.

     

Then Daddy got the popsicle out of the freezer.  Go Big Orange!!  (We’re from Tennessee)  This is something we’ve done many times before, even before the dynamic of our relationship changed and I’ve always loved it.  However, last night that frozen dessert on a stick seemed extra cold and unpleasant somehow. 

  

After he fucked me with the popsicle until it melted, which doesn’t take long at all, Daddy ate my pussy out!  Hell, I even had trouble getting into THAT!!  I eventually had one amazing orgasm that I was grateful for, but didn’t feel like I deserved….is it just me or do other slaves constantly berate themselves too? 

After I’d had my orgasm, I gave Daddy a blow job until he got all nice and hard and then he entered my pussy.  The muscles were still a little contracted and that’s what we’ve always loved about playing with a popsicle - makes the pussy all nice and tight and it feels almost like being a virgin again.  He fucked me nice and hard, pounding me into the carpet until he exploded inside me.  We talked for a bit, then we cuddled on the couch together and watched “The X-Files” before going to bed. 

Delicious Suffering

Daddy and I had a very impromptu play session late last night or early this morning, however you want to look at it since we didn’t get started until around 1am.  We’re night owls anyway and we ended up being up all night enjoying our hottest scene yet.  It’s well known on this blog how much we LOVE blood and that’s what last night was all about.  A very delicious suffering for me indeed. 

Daddy started by inserting the needles through my tits and then decided he wanted to put one needle through each nipple.  I started crying.  I couldn’t help it, I don’t enjoy that because it hurts so fucking much, but our conversation about it went like this:  Daddy - “Tough shit you don’t like it, I do and who’s the slave here?”  Me - “I am Sir”  Daddy - “And what does that mean?”  Me - “I’m getting needles stuck through each nipple.”  Daddy - “Yes, you are so hold still.”

 

Then he got down to it - cutting the needles out.  Not pulling them out, cutting them out.  Where the needles slide through the skin and part of the skin is raised, he takes a razor blade and cuts the needle out.  Hurts like hell - it’s like being awake for the beginning of a surgery.  So much blood!!  LOVE IT!!!

  

  

There is nothing on earth, to me, that’s quite like the sight of blood, how it feels to bleed so freely, watching the blood run over my skin and the taste of it.  Love it when I bleed so much it DRIPS off of me.  Gives me goosebumps thinking about it. 

  

  

  

  

Daddy used the surgical stapler to close up a few of the wounds.  Daddy was swirling in Dom space and one cut was especially deep.  He had cut down through the fat and to the fascia!!  It was DEEP!  The song “The first cut is the deepest” by Sheryl Crow was playing and we were laughing, singing along with it as he closed my wounds up, but we were changing the words to “The eighth cut is the deepest.”  lol  It was such a bonding moment - I’ve never felt more alive or in love.  :)  FYI - if anyone is interested in doing something like this - surgical staplers and many other items can be bought at Kinkymedical.com  Also I need to say that wound care is very important!  Suturing, stapling, whatever method of closure you use - the skin edges need to brought together with NO gaps to prevent “dead space” or infections.  This is a risky activity so use every precaution to play safe.

  

  

When it was over and we’d talked, cuddled and enjoyed the ‘after’ aspect of a very intense scene, I wanted to go a step further.  I asked Daddy to fuck me in the ass.  I’ve never initiated anal sex before, because I HATE anal sex, but Daddy LOVES it.  Even though I was anxious, I really wanted to serve and please my Daddy.  Daddy on the other hand, was feeling very sadistic still and wanted to make me hurt some more.  We started out doggy style and it was painful, but I was trying very hard to sink into the feeling, find my groove and just go with it.  He went very slow.  Deliberating holding off an ejaculation.  Then he told me ride him with his cock up my ass.  That hurt, but actually wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be.  He bounced my asshole off of his cock for a little while, still holding off on having an orgasm.  Next he ordered me in a missionary position with my knees up next to my ears - that position fucking HURT!!  For the second time during our play session I started crying.  I wanted so much for him to cum and for it to be over, but that wasn’t happening on my terms.  He fucked me up the ass for a good long while, stopping every so often to refocus and NOT have an orgasm!!  Finally, he exploded inside me and I’ve never been so happy in my life.  I was happy it was over (sounds horrible to say, but hell it’s true) I was happy he was happy.  I was happy that I done it, that I had initiated the act.  Oh, Daddy wasn’t done.  He started rubbing my clit.  He rubbed it for a while and just when I was building up to an orgasm, he stopped.  He got out the rabbit (my favorite toy so far) and fucked me with it while the the bunny ears vibrated my clit to one sensational orgasm!!  Nope, he didn’t stop then either.  He kept fucking me, vibrating me and then told me to reach my hand down between my legs and do it myself.  Daddy stood over my face and jerked off while I played with my toy - I had a second mind blowing orgasm and so did Daddy!!  It was all so surreal and incredible.  Our minds were both spinning and it was after 5am before we ever went to bed.  It was one helluva night!!!

The Human Pincushion

I got my meds - Yay!!  Daddy and I also FINALLY got the chance to play!!  I’m so happy - it’s great to feel like his slave again and to get back to the kinky stuff. 

Daddy got out the ‘cane’ which is actually the rod off the blinds - hey, ya gotta improvise sometimes and free is free.  It’s highly effective as a cane because that son-of-a-bitch rod friggin HURTS!!  I just though I was a masochist until he hit me with that thing!  I was screaming, trying to get away from it and crying like I haven’t cried in a long time.  Yummy

  

  

  

Then Daddy gave me another corset piercing!!!!  Using a surgical skin stapler - not an everyday, regular stapler.  Just one of the many items I’ve stolen from the O.R.  Shhhhh.  lol  Staples hurt like a bitch!  It felt like 100 bee stings.

        

Daddy wasn’t done.  He added some 24g. hypodermic needles to his design too.  Turned out beautifully, but also hurt like hell!!  In fact at one point, we had to take a break from it because I was screaming so loud (out of practice I guess) that I woke up the baby.  Getting back into that head space was hard for both of us, but welcome to the reality of BDSM combined with the parenthood of small children.

     

Daddy taking the needles out is not painless, but it had nothing on him taking the staples out!  Staples (I also stole a staple remover) you have to twist, take one side out and then the other - HOLY HELL OUCH!!

 

 

Then Daddy fucked my brains out right there on the living room floor.  Being pounded into the carpet and having it rub against my aching back burned like fire, but damn was it hot to feel him aggressively take me like that.  Can’t wait to do all of it again and MORE !!

UPDATE:  I have since learned that if you press the staples in the middle, it flattens them out and they are sooo much easier to remove and it’s a lot less painful that way too.  Just a little FYI 

Life Stuff

I feel like shit.  I thought we were on our way back up the hill, but it looks like we’ve rolled back down it instead.  It’s another one of those ‘life’ gets in your kinky way things.  There’s been a lot going on, a lot that I haven’t shared until now. 

The medication for my bipolar disorder is expensive and even with insurance, it’s still not cheap.  Something came up this month and Daddy had to pay it off or face getting his check garnished.  Fucking medical bills.  Before kids we never had any kind of medical debt, but after these tiny people came along - so did the friggin medical bills!  Anyway, long story short, we got a lovely letter in the mail telling us to pay up on bill from when our son had his tonsils out or else.  That meant that something had to go up on the chopping block and it ended up being my medication.  I told myself and Daddy “it’s only one week, I can manage, how bad could it be?”  That’s a lot like a redneck saying “Hey watch this!” before he does something stupid.  It’s gotten bad.  Very bad.  I’m damn near impossible to live with.  Submission?  What’s that?  It’s gone out the window at the moment.  I’m so different from how I usually am that often I don’t recognize myself.  I look the same, but damn I feel strange and my mind is screaming.  This person is aggressive and violent if provoked.  I tried the other night to get Daddy to engage in some kind of play session.  Sometimes when I’m needing a release I’ll beg him to beat me until I cry and to keep beating me while I cry just so I can get it all out.  He wouldn’t do it.  He said he couldn’t hit me because in my state of mind right now, he’d hit me and I’d probably hit him back.  I hung my head and tears welled up in my eyes because I knew he was right.  I probably would’ve become violent towards him.  The scene wouldn’t be the cathartic release it usually is - it would end up being the start of a fight and a bad night for both of us.  I’m just hanging on until Friday when he gets paid so I can get my pills and become sane again.

Daddy feels like my predicament is somehow his fault and like he’s not a good provider.  He could not be more wrong.   He’s a wonderful provider.  He always does the right thing for his family, he works hard and it’s all for us.  He doesn’t do it because it’s fun or because he’s a workaholic, he does it to provide for his family and so I don’t have to work and can stay home with the kids.  I respect and admire Daddy more than I could ever sit here and type about.  He’s a real man.  A good man.  A man that isn’t afraid of hard work and sacrifice.  Daddy does what he has to do to take care of his family and I could never ask for anything more than that.

The other ‘life’ thing that’s been going on is I found a lump the other day.  It’s not in the breast, but in the armpit.  I’ve got a Dr’s. appt Monday morning  to have it checked out.  It’s probably a cyst or an infected gland, but still a lump is a lump and the first thing Daddy and I both thought of was cancer.  My grandmother had breast cancer so yeah, I’m a little bit scared.  On a lighter note, now I get to tell another medical person about my lifestyle and why I have so many scars.

That’s pretty much it.  Daddy’s promised this weekend, after my meds kick in and I’m “me” again, we’ll get back to our power exchange dynamic and play sessions.  I hope so, I really do.  I need it.  I miss it.  I miss being his slave.  I really miss feeling submissive.  I miss the pain from the needles and razor blades.  I miss the blood.  I miss being battered and abused and looking up at him with tears in my eyes crying “Thank you Daddy.”  OK, just a few more days - I can hang in there.  I can do this. 

The Roller Coaster Ride

Kink is still on the back burner and I’m sure that’s become obvious since I haven’t written any lewd posts recently.  We’re out of sync with each other at the moment. 

It happens

This is the reality part of being in a 24/7 Master/slave relationship.  It’s like when you’re on a roller coaster, the car starts off slow as it climbs up the track and then it picks up speed until suddenly you’re being whipped around from side to side.  You’re moving so fast, everything is a blur, there are a few breathtaking loops and then just as suddenly as it started, the car slows down to climb another hill.  That’s a good analogy (in my opinion) of what our Master/slave relationship is like.  The car is us - we started out slow and then picked up speed.  The fast moving, whiplash like motion is when we’re in sync and everything is running smoothly.  Then the inevitable slow down happens and you have to start the climb back up the track again to get to the fun part of having your world rocked.

It started when I injured my neck and was temporarily relieved of my slave duties.  I didn’t do anything in the manner of serving like I had become use to doing and we didn’t have any play time either.  Vanilla mode is so fucking easy to slip back in to that it’s not even funny.  Both people have to work at making a 24/7 Master/slave relationship thrive because if one slacks off, the other is sure to follow.  It’s hard.  It’s almost like having a second job.  Having any kind of “down time” from your role is bad because it makes it easier to slip back into just being husband and wife instead of Master/slave. 

You can see it happening.  You can feel it happening and it bugs the shit out of you, but sometimes it’s just unavoidable.  As much as I would love to sit here and say that being in this type of relationship means kinky sex, being bound and having your ass beat 24 hours a day - it does not.  That’s the stuff of fantasy.  The lulls you experience are the reality.  Sometimes things happen that you can’t help and it throws you off course from where you were together.  Talking about it, working it out, waiting it out and picking up the pieces is how you get back on track.  We’re on our way back.  We’re starting our climb back up the roller coaster track so soon Daddy will (hopefully) be tossing me around again. 

Rose Flogger

I was surfing around on the internet looking at different toys and found this rose flogger!!  It’s the most beautiful flogger I have ever seen and the “roses” even come in pink!!  The full dozen is not cheap so I’ll be spending A LOT of time on my knees earning this toy!! *slurp slurp*